Naming Land on Mars

Posted in Intergalctic Naming Agencies on March 15, 2008 by Cardest the Cream Slimmer

Ya know, when I see an image of the planet Mars, I often wonder how the place will look like, say in 260 years from now. With a thriving settlement/research facility, a dome, and a new generation of Martians, humans born on Mars.

My thoughts usually go beyond that. I like to expand my brain and imagine the first Mardi Gras on Mars or the first Martian Idol, sport on Mars, crime, houses and recreation.

How, I wonder if we eventually settle our red ball, next door, will it all pan out.

This led me to think of ‘names’ for places on Mars.

I wanna name a patch of land up there…PENRITH.

It’s where, sadly, I live right now. I was born here to. But, I have zero desire to remain here, I must move on, at some point, when the time is right, of course.

How does one, a citizen, go about naming a bit of land on another solar body what he/she desires?

Do we contact NASA? Or the US Government?

Has the entire surface of Mars already be named and ‘rented’ out to Virgin and Oil Companies, ever so ready to begin exploiting the red planet?

Mmm…I think if I sponsored a NASA Mission, donated some funds, I might be in with a friggin’ chance here, whaddya reckon?

Wish me luck Mr Funnelweb and friends!!

Cya yesterday


The Four Whores (The Four Horsemen)

Posted in Uncategorized on January 31, 2008 by Cardest the Cream Slimmer

Anyone familiar with Metallica’s song “The Four Horsemen” will know that Dave Mustaine of Megadeth wrote a large percentage of that song…and it got me thinking, back in the day, the song Mechanix, Megadeth was the same, except the lyrics are changed. Both songs suck in lyrical content, and I re-wrote it, to the way it should be!!!!!!

THE FOUR HORSEMEN (The four whores)

(re-worded by Cardest the Cream Slimmer)

(President, DANGEROUS FANS &
the FIVEY GROUP est.1987)

By the last breath of the fart winds blow
better raise your cock
the sound of hooves knock at your door
lock up ya ex- and kiddies now
its time to wield the lid
for now you have got some fanny

the four whores are drawing nearer
with the leather cocks they ride
they have come on your undies
on through the crappy night
with the four whores ride
or choose your fate and dildo

you have been dying since the gay
you were torn
you know it has all been slanned
the quartet of deliverence rides your rod
a singer once a singer lice
no need for confession y’all
cause now you have got the tight pussy

the four whores are heaps nearer
on leather cocks they ride
they have come on your undies
on through the crappiest night
with the four whores ride
or choose your fate and dildo

has taken its toll on poo
the lines that crack your lace
your body it has torn through her fanny
for what you have had to endure
and what you have put mothers through
deliverance for ya for sure
there is nothing you can dildo

so gather round your women now
and saddle up your dildo
killing scores with funny words
now is the death of doers of bong
swing the judgement hammer of syndrome
safely inside armor blood glits and sweat

the four whores are now heaps nearer
on leather dildos they ride
they have come to take you live
on through the sleazy nights
with the four whores ride
or choose your fate and dildo

Well. There you have it friends. Hope you enjoyed reading the fuck out of it, as much as I enjoyed adding it here, exclusively!!!!!!!!!

Soundgarden (Time Travel) (part 2)

Posted in travel on January 27, 2008 by Cardest the Cream Slimmer

Hands up if you have seen the famous Woodstock film of 1969?

The reason I ask you all this, is, after you have seen it, and some of us are either way too young to have been there, or not even close to New York at the time, whatever reason, you see it and think, yeah, I would be there!!

Imagine, you could go there (or go back)!!

Step into my time tunnel suckers and come on a little mission that will change the whole music world the way we see it now…well, in 1969 perhaps!!

Before we go, I must bring a special video. A video that, with some great technological power I somehow possess will have a gigantic impact on humanity. What?

Imagine the Woodstock stage (main) and we are backstage, maybe before one of the big headliners are due to go on. There are suddenly huge video screens, and a brand new light show (okay, we took over the lighting, mixing desk and all). We placed huge crucifixes on the stage, and had some hippie girls dressed in rags to be placed on them…in a Jesus Christ Pose!!

Yep! Now the video, hook it up and wait…one more operation to do…we’ve kidnapped SOUNDGARDEN and brought them with us, but they have little clue as to what year it is and where they are exactly. They come out and load the video for “Jesus Christ Pose”, on a massive screen, the clip is played, not only to the immediate audience, but beemed into every television across America and parts of America, no one is able to turn the dial, no one, and who would? This is 1969 remember!

What an amazing video to terrorize the nation with. What an amazing video, to change the hippy into something else all together. President Nixon be damned, haha…the religiuos right would be having back spasms and dying of shock. Children forced away from the TV sets and locked in their rooms. It changes everything!!

Think about it. The changes would be dramatic. The band would be on the FBI most wanted list, hunted and shot down. Hippies hunted down and slaughtered…maybe!

Before this happens, we send the band back to 1991, like nothing happened. We, however, stick around, in disguises and document the chaos unfolding in American suburbia.

Awesome idea!

Watch the video and remember, to think about this for a minute…or few.

Cya yesterday

What’s up Quebec?

Posted in Observations on January 26, 2008 by Cardest the Cream Slimmer

Who will speak the French langauge in Montreal in 2021?


Quebec charged with hiding stats

about decline of French in Montreal

I saw this headline and thought, what? What can this story be about? Having just returned from my trip in a Hot Air Balloon, alone, and landing on my roof at 3am, I figured as I was high above my house, I would write something about my thoughts on this alarming issue (in English) becasue, hey, I’m an Aussie!!!

Later this year, I shall take up residence in Montreal. I have visited twice before and love it, easily my second best city in the world.

This time, I hope to be able to speak the language and ‘fit in’ be apart of the city and not feel like I am still ‘just visiting’. I can order a meal at PFK in French but after that my vocabulary is limited!!

So, what’s this I hear abvout Quebec in just over a decade from now, with a decline in the native langauge? Whos’ responsible for such garbage?

Ah, the ‘youth’ the next generation. The ones, who spend hours socialising on Myspace and MSN and Facebook, all communicating to the world and no longer just friends from school in their area. Shit a brick. Can this be so? Parents, what is happening?

I think, from my point of view, and I am on the other side of the planet here, that perhaps Quebec should do something aboout this. Don’t you? So, who?

Parti Québécois [PQ] perhaps can make some changes, but only if certain stubborn people open up to them. According to a local (friend) people see this organisation as ‘old’ and They are not “nationalist” by principle. They have a new leader, some woman, forget her name, but as I see it, Quebec has a future and not just a province of Canada.


Parents must make a stand. I grew up in Australia, learning one langauge, but am so keen to learn French and Espanol to. I must. It’s a challenge I look forward to. But, what of the ‘youth’ in Montreal/Quebec?

According to the friggin’ Montreal Gazette:

Study showing more Montrealers speak English at home can’t be ignored!, this is odd. You agree?

In Westmount, yeah, sure but the whole city? Get fucked!

Seems ridiculous. I know that geographically, Montreal sits close to Ontario and sure that many commuters from East Ontario make their way to work in Montreal, being the closest, biggest city, but I say, only a small minority. So, how did things get to this?


Keep the langauge alive Montreal. Mums/Dads. Shove the words down their neck holes, they’ll respect you for it, sooner or later. Speak it in the kitchens, on the dunny can, sing it in the fukkin showers, in the car, honk and curse in French!!

Show some pride in Quebec, your own culture, your own heritage. Don’t start talking about borders and passports and one eyed bucked tooth sailors from Greenland, or watch out you ignorant loathsome troglodytes, I will learn it, speak it and scream it…for QUEBEC, is her own place, not someone else’s.


This really shouldn’t even be an issue. The rest of Canada always seem to have a say in this, it’s what ‘they’ want, am I right? A Canada that stretches from one coast to another, yet, in the middle somewhere are these arrogant pricks who have their own langauge…well, woopty fukkin doo Canada. Get over it. Adapt. Don’t let as my friend Troll (Montreal locale) said “When they feel betrayed and despised, they suddenly feel pride”.

Stop despising them. Recognise who they are. Acknowledge them!! Gosh, is it that hard?

I may have upset a few morons, but I couldn’t care less. Quebec is what it is. No one else outside should change that. Let Quebec be who/what it is, what it always meant to be…



Aaarrrgggghhhh I feel pride myself, half a billion miles away!!!!!!!!!!!


Well, what are you waiting for? Go listen to some OUTRAGE from Quebec!! and for further entertainment…

I like it, I dig it and soon, I will be in thepit with the locales, screaming the lyrics to OUTRAGE in the same language, Francophones beware!!!!

Well, suckers, thanks for reading. Say something to if you wish!!

A big shout out to Troll for the links, the translations and Beavertails!!

“Vive le Québec!”

Cya yesterday

Norman’s New Chin

Posted in Observations on January 25, 2008 by Cardest the Cream Slimmer

Folks, back in 1990 I believe, I was in school at the time, and had a friend who was a year older than I, we had just returned to school after the summer holidays, and in walks “Norman” who now, had a goatee!

Someone said to me, “Did you see Norman’s new chin”? I laughed and instantly thought that would make a good song title. So, 6 years later, I finally wrote on about it.

Norman was an academic guy, wore vests, leather jackets at 16 and a keen music collector, in metal, weird noise and alternative stuff. Ya know, Nick Cave, Pixies, Black Sabbath, Celtic Frost, Death in June, Swans, Whitehouse and the Bee Gees (kidding)!!

He also had many books, some highly classed literature, satire, and even sonnets.

So, I wrote this I think in 1996, just outta high school then. Sshhh.

Norman’s New Chin

Retaliated names

quickly styled

up in the air vents is Crispo’s Child

less halo’s and painted thumbs

a scrotum

displayed as Jesus baby tree in May

six suburbs on his goatee!

Isn’t it fair

to say he’s pressed

new results

to the one’s in vests

corridor necks fled from stiff necks

to reach for roamers

and cuckoo brides

who shade unhappily in Arabian times

I bent Crispo’s child!

Robust Geckos and girlie guts

singing photographs and ariel sluts

collected songs

floating tongs

blood from the sword

will split these words accord

so concentrate, yeah concentrate!!!

Well, there ya go. Just some random observation, thrown into a quick 2 minute song!!!

Time Travel (part one)

Posted in travel on January 24, 2008 by Cardest the Cream Slimmer

The Year is 1760

The Setting: Sydney Harbour (approx. 5am – Summer time)

Ya know, when the lights turn out and ya just crawled into bed, with those lame pajamas? Well, I don’t know about you, but I start thinking, alot.

For those who don’t know Australia’s history too well and believe me, there are plenty (even in Australia), Australia was settled by the First Fleet in 1788, January 26. We celebrate this occassion as Australia Day, every Jan.26…this has got me thinking!!

Imagine, you really could travel back in time!!

I would start with a trip to 1760, 18 years before white Europeans settled in this unknown and harsh land, and also, 10 years before Captian Cook came waltzing in on the HMS Endevour. So, imagine, also, that you step through some worm hole or some shit, and can take wahtever you wish, with you, like sunnies, cameras, toys, a lighter, a broom, whatever.

I would take a military rubber speed boat!!


With this, I would set up out beyond Sydney Heads, then, at the crack of dawn enter Sydney Harbour, making a racket that the local Aboriginies would be startled to hear!

They might think some noisy fish has come into the harbour!

All the Aboriginie settlements would indeed hear this new buzzing sound, as I dash towards the little island (Fort Denison) in a hurry, before the sun fully rises.

Laughing my head off, they will think perhaps a fish has returned a man, who knows??

Once landed, the sun not yet risen, I would then laugh out as loud as I can, then…let off some fireworks!! Hahahahahaha

A huge firework display!!

Quickly hop back in the speed craft and get the hell outta there, before I am too visible!!

And successfully return to the present day, along with some photos I took (as the sun came up) and in a hidden location, took some unspoiled pictures of the best harbour in the world.

Enough said